tongue tied.
I often find that I have a lot to say, the problem is I struggle to find the right way to say it. Why am I so tongue tied all of the time? My life would be a gajillion times easier if I could simply say what I need to say. I need a thesaurus, by my side, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Because, to be honest, it’s just plain old irritating.
I begin to write, and at first it sounds good, then BAMMM. It’s gone. There goes my runaway train of thought with my heart and soul riding up front, leading the getaway. Why is it so hard for me? I’m an extremely opinionated person, however not about the stuff that really matters. The stuff that keeps me awake at night, the stuff that brings me to tears.. This is the stuff that I cannot seem to find the right words to express.
In my heart I know exactly how I’m feeling, well for the most part. I am angry, I am sad, I am happy, I am optimistic, etc. The list goes on and on yet I cannot find the words to go along with these emotions. It’s like concrete details and commentary in English class.
What is an essay with all CD’s and no CM’s? Nothing. In fact, most likely it’s plagiarism. I am so generic. I am so cliche. Everyone cries themselves to sleep once in while, or finds themselves unable to sleep due to excitement and anticipation. The real question is WHY. Why do I feel this way? These are the things that I cannot express.
I wish I knew how to express these thoughts. I know how I would like to, but I don’t know how to do that exactly. I want to write. I want to put it all down, because if I don’t have someone that I can say it to PHYSICALLY, in my opinion the pen and paper is the next best thing.
I want to write my life story so that long after I die people will know what was really going on inside of my head. I want to write a poem so that I can truly express the pain that I feel after I lost you or the happiness I feel when I am around my best friends. I want to write a story so that children, or adults, or whoever may read it, will learn a valuable lesson that will forever stick with them.
Until then I remain silenced. Until I find a way to express these feelings that are bottled inside of me. Until I find someone that I can pour my heart out to. Until I can finally let the world know who I am. Until then, I remain tongue tied.
